before i was brought in

the tears built up behind the dam, remnants of the tyrannic days of the egos power. Up above, a dove surveys the scene, from out of natural eyes, flies above the damaged land, witnessing new life. Down below a once proud man lies on the ground, head open like an oil can, he leaks strange thoughts, corrosive dreams into the land. Hoping that the inner sun, beneath the earth can cope with these new germs, holding on while he still can, and holding shakily in his mind, visions of mary and mother earth, visions of millenia, purity, an ancient birth. Yielding to the yonder blue, he turns around now he is drained, he sees the clouds up in the sky, and feels to be like them. now that he's become a song, to be played on a distant pipe, he sees the dove , together they fly, given up his guns, lay down his knife. If his life is just beginning, then what was it before, an eternity in a prison cell, trapped within cerebral walls, locked and stifled, poisoned and mad, he paced around crazy walls, only glad, that he had, tatooed locks and mechanisms, upon his skin, and only glad he'd learned to paint from memory, before he was brought in, galleries of suns, galleries of moons, galleries of fools, galleries of him.

release the illusional forms

been thinking a lot about illusions lately and how easy it is to become 'bound' to them. A good example of this is if someone had a problem, anxiety, for example. they may search for help and try to cure it but there should come a point where they step away from the problem and release the mental loop that has been in place for however long the problem has been around for. If the loop is not dealt with it will keep on playing over and over, the person will keep seeking healing and not try to think they are healed. obviously this doesn't apply to everyone but it certainl will be a proportion of people. the initial problem really can end up an illusion that is keeping the person trapped. seek help, accept healing, then release the old binding loop which has kept you tied to the problem in the first place.concensus reality is responsible for keeping people trapped in myriads of illusions. it suits the big pharmaceutical companies to put forward the norm that we are all stressed, anxious and depressed. this has been succesful on their part and has filled their pockets considerably. we are not really like this, it is an illusionary way to be. we can all be healthy and strong, and we certainly don't need the majority of their blasted drugs! peace to all!

spring camping

well, i had my first camping trip of the year two days ago....on the welsh coast in between barmouth and harlech. the journey out was fine for the first 15 mins, then when i hit the llandegla moors the snow began! blizzard conditions ensued, fallen trees lay in the mushy slushy road. stay calm, i thought, and slowed down , but after a while i got into the technique and marvelled at the snowy wildness i was heading into. eventually, i reached a wind and slate grey skied barmouth, the sea surged to the left as i fololowed the narrow winding road into the town. after refuelling with an all day breakfast i continued to the campsite. i was the only person there! i stepped out, brrrrrrrr! and stepped back in again! I spent the next 2 hours unwinding with self hypnosis tapes, until the pull of the outdoors was too much. donning several layers, and a russian style flaps over ears hat i made my way to the wind whipped beach, through the sand blasted dunes. i stayed on the beach for half an hour collecting wood in a rucksack then headed back to light a fire. eventually, i got one going and cooked some onions, potatoes and a steak! i watched a stormy sky turn black for night and shivered in my tent. around 11 o clock i could stand no more and hobbled thru the snow to my car, heater on, snuggled up best i could. i looked across at the winking lights of the hill village of dyffryn and the dark shape of the mountain moelfre. i had a patchy sleep and awoke to another cold day....however, later, as i was walking thru the wilderness of the dunes, the sky took on blue and a warming sun appeared. it had all been worthwhile, i felt fantastic, i climbed the hilldunes and looked down to the surging sea, the wind took all negativity away and i stood, like an avatar, healed and full of spring energy, connected in so many ways!

pissed on my visions

i feel defiled at the moment, if you look at it in a cosmic ordering kind of way then it is my fault for feeling like this and that i must always be upbeat and bubbly! dont think so pal! its unreal and escapist and i believe if one is tosurvive and evolve with gaia and her plans then we must face and feel the shadows......not spend our wishes and thoughts on only getting rich or finding a parking place, come on cosmic ordering 'gurus', dont keep the students on a diet of candyfloss for flicks sake!anyway, i digress.............yeah, my old visions are tainted, they used to be so pure and beautiful, so utopic and nature filled, with a cosmic osmosis and a photosynthesis of energy, dancing, creating, thinking..........but i had to earth these things, so now i am in tjhe system more than i have been for years, i can feel the mechanisms of cyberia around me, see its empty dreams and hopes, feel its illusions, maybe this is so when i next disconnect, i can take a large chunk of it to the healing realms to be assimilated, understood amd altered by the higher vibes! Ha! bye for now!

tales from the maze

we humans do push each other along don't we......jeeze the pressure at times is intense. a person is born into the pinball machine, and is pushed this way and that, this way and that, through lanes, lights, passages, vistas, ever onwards, try to catch the breath......everyone seems to have their own threshhold to absorption from outside stimuli, the more sensitive the person, the more reflection and hideaway times, i think that is why people in cities look robotic and trancelike, they have to switch off to a large extent or otherwise the stimuli would be too much to take, moving round the city and its beat, passing random distractions, in the maze of advertising, pocketful of cash, buying a new jacket even tho the one wearing is fine, getting a large burger when a small would suffice, USE THE IMAGINATION and wake up! dont be a droid, get time away to switch on!!!!!on!!!!!!on!!!!!! create nests and oasis of the mind to go back to in times of need, find the inner father the inner mother and self nurture, and if you have buried your heart too deep, under the iron sea, then become a deep sea diver and medic and get goin!good luck!

runaway train

i was sitting in a traffic flow earlier this evening, surrounded by people movers and the usual mix of rush hour gas guzzlers. i was laughing , asmy car only cost 150 quid, and starts everyday, yet some of these vehicles cost silly money. i am not far off 40 and only passed my driving test in june of this year, mainly because i have never been bothered before, i have always used a pushbike or train , bus or walking. its not that i have done this for environmental reasons, so i wont pretend it is, its just i have been preoccupied with otherthings, and the idea of cars just seemed a financial drain, and something that the herd did, and me, being truly rebellious in my time, or just plain awkward, refused to go down the same route as everyone else. well, here i am in my cheap car, and i have to admit, i like driving, i may even fork out for a radio at some point, as i like music too, but mine is broken. probably a far cry from whatever smart mp3 connnectivity numbers are in the lanes to my left and right but what the hell!the thing is, that is the problem, here am i , a small scale consumer, but a consumer nonetheless, dreaming of new radios when i have bought a ticket on a train i know is heading for oblivion........i shold be planting trees, growing crops, fitting out secret hideaways with tinned foodstuffs in case it all goes pear shaped, there is a lot of heads buried in sand, and when it is most needed, it is bloody unfashionable to be a party pooper and start harping on about the system, anarchy and the need to breakout of this blasted train. i am musing, whilst watching the monotonous scenery from the train, what my next step should be, watching all those twista and turns that led me here.......i nearly started a commune in the woods, i nearly lived on a boat, i nearly became a rural tramp, i nearly..................yeah, lived all these in the mind, did a lot of fantasising, a lot of dreaming, yet here i am on this train......mmmmmmmmmmmmm!

i will never be assimilated

I am happy that a good part of me is still a healthy rebel, a more mature one these days yes, but more rounded and realistic.......energy, i dont waste it on moaning about the system anymore, worry,,, i dont do it anymore, terrorism is no threat to me, i dont give a damn about the bankers, one day their own consciences will kick in, in fact , a lot of the hullabaloo which passes for news and views we are spoonfed daily with is meaningless to me, timewasting, grazing on illusion, i try to get out of the man made mandala, not into it! it is like the tripods trilogy, with those being capped conforming, its like a false mode or model has been placed over us and we have to fit in to this shape..........well a lot of us do not fit, and have simply grown through the walls, like trees that grow through metal fences, incorporating them into their living selves, but thriving nonetheless. yes, we see thru the walls, feel the beauty, and the rawness and the real, societies current templates are simply candy floss or bedtime stories now, to take with a pinch of salt or even derision. its just a pity that it still takes itself so seriously, in the face of the rape of the planet, some will still be focused on the money markets as they fall off the cliff like lemmings!some will survive though, and i believe this is the current evolution, invisibly taking place inside our psyches and cells, the new humans, like avatars, will either sink or swim in the cosmic future, now put that in your pipe and smoke it!

aliens, egyptian magic, shamanism, acid.........

i would like to lay down in a field in the middle of nowhere and just dream away, dream out till i disconnect from reality , sleep and dream till hunger and thirst force me from my enchantment, then i would stagger , immersed in visions, to my tent , eat and drink then sleep and dream more, to get past these blocks that have grown out of modern life and how we have ended up living. so far we have strayed, the fun is hollow and pointless, immature even, there is no time for reflection in the hustle and the bustle, and the eyes grow dim and close........so i would rather go out into the nature and close them willingly, with no distraction, and give myself a chance, to open out in some form of splendour which is the result of being attuned, to the heartbeat of the earth.nature, you are still there, i apologise that i havent been with you for a while, but remember my essence and my past dreams, and enfold me once again, when i return to you.......

illegal raves

i know it was a long time ago, so long ago that it feels like another incarnation, but such fun was had, such ground covered, psychologically, spiritually, chemically!!!!!i am talking about the free raves of the late 80s and early 90s, i am talking of that moment when one witnessed a tribe of humans united and moving to the trance beat like a unified shoal of fish or flock of birds. cyber shamans, magicians! i remember the police choppers overhead, the tribal faces, the spirals, the energy. i can see why they stopped them even though i wish they hadnt, surely these colourful events were prefferable to the drunken anarchy we witness in cities today, was it worth it government people? was it worth spoiling the party for the sake of fear and control? are your dreams really so dull......cctv, fear, restriction, monitoring, is that all you are about? why? what is the point! are you scared? no, i really want to know what makes you tick! but i know youre not gonna tell me! dont be frightened to free your mind, and revel in the spirit, no matter what you have done or how twisted you have become, there is always a way back, a ship will always come and look for you...........out in the hopeless wastelands of that path you followed!

fake boobs and brazilians

i was shocked whilst reading a mag the other day when a poll of schoolkids revealed that most teen lads preferred fake looking girlfriends and most teenage girls were hating their bodies in their natural states and thinking about cosmetic surgery........dont do it girls!!!!!if things carry on down that route then real women will sadly be a thing of the past! and lads, come on! you may as well take a shop mannequin as a girlfriend........you are missing out here....whats going on, real women, real curves, pubic hair au naturelle, these are beautiful things, these are passion inducing things, or maybe my tastes are just out of date, but seriously, these images are so misleading, that fashion model who has been airbrushed for that pic you are looking at, take all the lighting, professional makeup, airbrushing etc away, and see her yawning and looking at herself in the mirror when she wakes up, she dont look like that now, these misconceptions are robbing young girls of their happiness and leading a whole generation of young men away from true beauty!

prozac

depressed? well, a good number of the population are......or are we geared towards imagining that? First, the myth.......no, it is not normal to be happy 24 hours a day, so dont worry if your smile isnt breaking out all over yourface all of the time, gordon brown has tried this, and it makes him look extremely daft....have we reached this stage of evolution to be gurning and sickly sweet all the time, no wonder we have all this rage bursting out, road rage and the like, the shadow grows bigger, the more we pretend it aint there.The problem now is that people go to the doctors if they are not living up to this illusion. the illusion is created by pharmaceutical companies to make lots of money and the more prozac we gobble up the more money they make! we need to rebalance and learn that other emotions exist, and rightfully so, alongside happiness, after all, the collective shares some pretty tough realities for blindly travelling along in this train created by the system, based on greed and lies, thinking we are seperate from nature, and walking roughshod over it. get out, get some fresh air, stop feeling sorry for yourselves and dont get into the likes of prozac........plant a few trees in stead of popping those poison pills, do you really want to be a droid?

people movers.....yep! I hate 'em

Well, I think it was the holy poodle himself, the king of cool brittania, mr t.blair, that started the craze for these giant, gas guzzling status symbols now clogging up our roads.......you see.....he had one.....and soon, so many people had them, now, i could have some sympathy for this if one had 3 kids or more, but statistics show that we are still only having two children on average per family!!!so why wont a normal car do? not big enough for the ego?I used to be angry but now i almost laugh(as in a black comedy) when i spot one of these with one parent and one child getting out of it.....no, it dont make you look good, we know you cant really afford it(adding to all that debt),and it just makes you look foolish!Actually, theres the new labour connection again....debt this time........from cool to fool in a few costly years!progress eh!lol!

illegal exercise

i went a walk by the local river today and it reminded me of some of my exploits from the past which i intend to recreate again soon. one side of the river for a good mile between two bridges consists of a popular walkway/cycleway, and here one can find many people going about their recreation. but on the other side of the river can be found a large row of huge private houses with their gardens steeply and massively heading down to the muddy riverbanks. i used to take my own path through the muddy and overgrown parts of these gardens from one bridge to the next. This is great exercise as each garden has either a fence or a wall or hedge seperating it from the next, and many parts it is a mad scramble across precipitous mud banks grabbing on to overhanging trees for support. so you are dealing with barbed wire, brick walls, hedges, wooden fences, slippery banks, brambles and undergrowths, and the exciting bit, it is trespassing as well. now, the householders, by and large dont bother with these muddy outposts to their steep gardens so it is a fairly unchallenged route, but it is a surefire way to fitness and agility. forget the gym,this is the real thing....illegal exercise out in the open, one slip and you are in the river, evry twist and turn banged and battered by the undergrowth, but get to the other end and you feel great, as you look back , and know you have won the day!